Can we look at the rapist?

Can we look at the rapist – the one who did wrong?

Was it bad upbringing, social issues, or genes gone wrong?

Can we look at the man who hammers his wife,

And not be the support that bolsters his fake pride. Continue reading

Advertisements

Do you want children so quick?

Do you want children so quick, or is it the pressure?

From family and friends who really should know better.

Who should let you do things at your own pace,

Take a little time so you have more savings and space.

 

Space in your schedule to spend time with your child,

And savings, so one of you can be home for a while.

‘Cos the early years are so important,

To the quality of your child’s education and emotional development.

 

You’ll have probably had a big fat Indian wedding,

Started your marriage with little or no savings.

And much as you’d like it, it just wouldn’t work,

If one of you worked part-time during your child’s early years.

 

I ask you to think, not to give in to pressure,

From family, friends, and neighbours who really should know better.

Being a parent takes time spent with sense, love and patience,

And a lack of time with your child often isn’t the best situation.

 

Should you have children quickly, or should you wait?

Take more time, settle down. Plan, save and make space.

Space in your schedule to be home with your young child,

Have faith that what’s meant will be given to you when it’s time.

 

I urge you to think, and wait till you’re sure,

Plan to be a parent your child will know.

‘Cos a child is a gift and needs love and care,

Don’t miss out on that because you’re never there.

 

Do you regret having that big fat wedding?

Would the money have helped you out of this situation?

 

Or do you not want children, but can’t take the pressure?

From family, neighbours and friends who really should know better.

Do you feel children are a choice that you don’t want to make,

But have done so to get everyone off your case?

 


A post about a much ignored aspect of family planning.

The pressure to have children is huge for many young couples and it can be quite intrusive. And really hurtful to couples who have difficulty conceiving.

I wrote about my experience with the pressure in ‘Children don’t need time.’


Copyright © Anita E Kohli, May 2019. All rights reserved.

Make hay when the sun shines bright

I write a lot of poetry in the first person. Often, it’s just a choice I’ve made because I feel it will speak to you as you read it, in a more personal way.

This poem is one of those that IS personal. ‘Dear Change’ was the start of this particular journey, and the poem below reflects the lessons I’ve learned over the past few years.

 I hope you enjoy reading it.


 

We must make hay when the sun shines bright,

Let our dreams change hue in the silver of the night.

We must take a turn when the path is blocked,

And explore the lanes we usually do not. Continue reading

The stages of my life

It used to be Baby, ‘cos they saw I was young,

The one they looked after when her parents weren’t around.

Then, it was Didi – the elder sister,

A young adult woman without a ‘Mister’.

But 2 years of marriage and that was all gone,

Then I became Bhabhi, their sister-in-law!

 

Now things have changed and there’s grey in my hair.

More on my middle, and some signs of wear.

I’m Auntie and my age gets me more respect,

For I’m older and wiser – at least that’s what they expect.

The years will go by and things will change,

I might someday be Naani – that’ll be a different stage.

 


Indians very rarely use Mr or Ms to address each other. The elderly woman is addressed as  Auntie. And shopkeepers, vendors and fellow commuters have titles for each stage of life. This poem is about the stages in the life of the Indian woman.

Many who speak English as a second language refer to a woman’s husband as her ‘Mister’ – as in “How is your Mister?”

‘Naani’ means grandmother – a title of respect reserved for an ‘Auntie’ who is a senior citizen.

 

 

 

 

Piano practise : The idea of ‘practising’ learning

The light-bulb moment

April 2019 was a month of breakthroughs in piano class. Some of my students had been struggling with things that should have been easy for them, and it took them months to reach that light-bulb moment when everything just fell into place.

A solution so simple and easy to understand, and yet, something that these particular students could only understand after a lot of struggle.

The practise of LEARNING.

Continue reading

Because I know that success will follow

A letter to the piano student who fears failure and therefore just won’t try.

 


Dear Student, I’m asking you to make an effort.

I’m not asking you to succeed, but to just go through the motions to start with.

Because I know that success will follow.

Because I know, that someday you’ll move on and be independent in learning music. Continue reading

Education policy : Why kindergarten children need assessments

Kharghar was already starting to be a location with a large middle class population when we moved here. And I was shocked to see so many middle class families where children had such poor education.
This post is about :

    • The factors that made me think this way.
    • Why language comprehension at age 0 to 5 is crucial.
    • The need for assessments at Kindergarten level.
    • A book review : ‘Mom Dad U R Wonderful’ by Dr Salma Prabhu, a wonderful handbook for parents, as well as for parents to be.

Continue reading

Men-Oh-Pause

Men-Oh-Pause, give your wives a break,

Don’t get up and leave them to wash up the plates.

They’re on their feet before every meal,

Cooking and washing and keeping the home clean.

They won’t cook once daily ‘cos you want your meals fresh,

And I think that you know that they really need some rest.

90 stop-634941_640

Women-Oh-Pause, just stop and think.

Is your busy lifestyle driving you to the brink?

Long working hours, then a fancy vacation,

When you need to work less, and have a nice lazy stay-cation.

Men, do some housework. It will keep you fit,

And your blood sugar levels might even come down a bit.

Women slow down before you get older,

Set routines that help family have time together.

People make time, slow down the pace,

So you have memories that will put a smile on your face.


Being so busy that there’s no time for family is starting to be the norm in many homes today. It’s even starting to be a thing to be proud of – kind of an achievement with some.

We’ve lost or ‘village’ – the social support system of neighbours, relatives and friends who would help young mothers with babysitting. Or keep an eye on the elderly now and then, to give care-givers a break.

Traditional gender roles in some Indian communities can sometimes leave women (it’s mostly women who look after children and the elderly here  in India), without any support system for when they need a weekly off.

I hope this poem speaks to those that need it.

Will I vote?

Should I vote for you or should I vote for your brother,

The one who will guide you when darkness takes over.

Or, should I vote for the winner, support the fair weather friend,

Who will swing different ways, depending upon who wins.

 

Will I examine my values when I press that button,

Think of the enemy outside, as well as the one within.

The hatred and anger that’s eroding our values,

The funds we spend on renaming roads, and on statues. Continue reading

The local bus

Have any of you travelled by the NNMT buses here in Navi Mumbai? They’re surprisingly reliable, and have very comfortable benches, unlike the air-conditioned buses which have the most uncomfortable chairs. And all that noise and rattling can be pretty relaxing!

Here’s a poem for those of you who have stopped travelling by bus. Hope it brings back good memories. Continue reading

The temple inside

We take it with us wherever we go,

That temple inside that helps us connect with our soul.
We don’t really need fancy buildings to worship,
Or an outwardly show of this private relationship.

We just need some quiet, a place we can find,

Even on days that are noisy, to clear the clutter from our minds.
We need a pace of life that helps us grow,
With time to reflect, feel the light, let it flow.

So, we can take the light with us wherever we go.

‘Cos it’s the temple inside us, that helps keep us whole.


There are so many different ways of reaching the same goal. What’s the right way for each person is different. Because ones ideas, thoughts, attitudes and beliefs can give a deeper meaning and a truth to a way that is meaningless to another person.

I decided to write about this way, because it’s a way that often doesn’t get heard. A way that some follow, but few talk about.

Routines

It’s so important to have routines, familiar paths to tread.

Time together and time alone,

Time to visit our parents and keep in touch on the phone.

 

Time to work and time to relax,

Time to move forward and time to step back.

A way to help everyone be together,

Yet still have the space that helps love stay forever.

 

It’s so important to have routines, familiar paths to tread.

To keep us on track when things get harder,

And give us a goal on the days that we flounder.

Help us stay focused till we’re back on track,

And sail over the bumps that could have held us back.

 

It’s so important to have routines,

Familiar places to go.

For every age, for every family member,

‘Cos routines bring comfort and help us to deal with pressure.

They help us relax on that crazy ride,

On the roller coaster that we call life.

 

It’s so important to have routines, familiar paths to tread.

To helps us make hay when the sun shines bright,

And fall asleep quick, when we switch off the lights.


The busy of today often makes us forget the importance of family routines and making space in ones daily schedule so every activity can be done in a relaxed manner. I hope this poem is a reminder.

The importance of books in piano class

How many books does a piano student really need?

And why should students need more than one book? Student families often hesitate to invest in piano books. Some question the need to purchase anything other than the lesson book or the examination book. And some even think that the examination book is the lesson book! 

This post answers common questions new piano students have about the need for many books when learning the language of music. Continue reading

The taste of freedom with our Milagrow Floor Cleaning Robot

Making a decision to buy a new floor cleaning robot

The Milagrow AguaBot

Our old Eureka Forbes floor cleaning robot started to fall apart, and couldn’t be repaired. We invested in it years ago, but it took us a while to reorganise our home for it. So, we only started to really use it 6 months before  it died.

At that time, Eureka Forbes did not have another model on sale and we had to choose between the Roomba and Milagrow.

Both had models in a range of budgets, with wet and dry options. We chose to buy the Milagrow for two reasons.

One, it had a budget friendly model which seemed to be good enough for our needs.

And two, it had a service centre in Mumbai, unlike the Roomba, where the nearest service centre at that time, was in Bangalore.

We purchased our Milagrow Aguabot 7.0 Cashmere for about Rs25000/- under an Independence Day discount offer in August 2018 and it set us free from the routine of daily cleaning. Continue reading

Is poor piano posture holding you back?

Are you a piano or keyboard student who struggles with stiff fingers, that won’t move fast? Do you have difficulty joining notes? Do you experience either hand, arm, shoulders or back pain when playing? If you do, then this post will help you.

Good piano posture from the beginning helps students progress quicker, as their fingers move better. So they later play challenging pieces with ease.

Pencil Drawing of poor piano posture

Continue reading