Can we look at the rapist?

Can we look at the rapist – the one who did wrong?

Was it bad upbringing, social issues, or genes gone wrong?

Can we look at the man who hammers his wife,

And not be the support that bolsters his fake pride. Continue reading

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Do you want children so quick?

Do you want children so quick, or is it the pressure?

From family and friends who really should know better.

Who should let you do things at your own pace,

Take a little time so you have more savings and space.

 

Space in your schedule to spend time with your child,

And savings, so one of you can be home for a while.

‘Cos the early years are so important,

To the quality of your child’s education and emotional development.

 

You’ll have probably had a big fat Indian wedding,

Started your marriage with little or no savings.

And much as you’d like it, it just wouldn’t work,

If one of you worked part-time during your child’s early years.

 

I ask you to think, not to give in to pressure,

From family, friends, and neighbours who really should know better.

Being a parent takes time spent with sense, love and patience,

And a lack of time with your child often isn’t the best situation.

 

Should you have children quickly, or should you wait?

Take more time, settle down. Plan, save and make space.

Space in your schedule to be home with your young child,

Have faith that what’s meant will be given to you when it’s time.

 

I urge you to think, and wait till you’re sure,

Plan to be a parent your child will know.

‘Cos a child is a gift and needs love and care,

Don’t miss out on that because you’re never there.

 

Do you regret having that big fat wedding?

Would the money have helped you out of this situation?

 

Or do you not want children, but can’t take the pressure?

From family, neighbours and friends who really should know better.

Do you feel children are a choice that you don’t want to make,

But have done so to get everyone off your case?

 


A post about a much ignored aspect of family planning.

The pressure to have children is huge for many young couples and it can be quite intrusive. And really hurtful to couples who have difficulty conceiving.

I wrote about my experience with the pressure in ‘Children don’t need time.’


Copyright © Anita E Kohli, May 2019. All rights reserved.

Because I know that success will follow

A letter to the piano student who fears failure and therefore just won’t try.

 


Dear Student, I’m asking you to make an effort.

I’m not asking you to succeed, but to just go through the motions to start with.

Because I know that success will follow.

Because I know, that someday you’ll move on and be independent in learning music. Continue reading

Men-Oh-Pause

Men-Oh-Pause, give your wives a break,

Don’t get up and leave them to wash up the plates.

They’re on their feet before every meal,

Cooking and washing and keeping the home clean.

They won’t cook once daily ‘cos you want your meals fresh,

And I think that you know that they really need some rest.

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Women-Oh-Pause, just stop and think.

Is your busy lifestyle driving you to the brink?

Long working hours, then a fancy vacation,

When you need to work less, and have a nice lazy stay-cation.

Men, do some housework. It will keep you fit,

And your blood sugar levels might even come down a bit.

Women slow down before you get older,

Set routines that help family have time together.

People make time, slow down the pace,

So you have memories that will put a smile on your face.


Being so busy that there’s no time for family is starting to be the norm in many homes today. It’s even starting to be a thing to be proud of – kind of an achievement with some.

We’ve lost or ‘village’ – the social support system of neighbours, relatives and friends who would help young mothers with babysitting. Or keep an eye on the elderly now and then, to give care-givers a break.

Traditional gender roles in some Indian communities can sometimes leave women (it’s mostly women who look after children and the elderly here  in India), without any support system for when they need a weekly off.

I hope this poem speaks to those that need it.

Will I vote?

Should I vote for you or should I vote for your brother,

The one who will guide you when darkness takes over.

Or, should I vote for the winner, support the fair weather friend,

Who will swing different ways, depending upon who wins.

 

Will I examine my values when I press that button,

Think of the enemy outside, as well as the one within.

The hatred and anger that’s eroding our values,

The funds we spend on renaming roads, and on statues. Continue reading

The local bus

Have any of you travelled by the NNMT buses here in Navi Mumbai? They’re surprisingly reliable, and have very comfortable benches, unlike the air-conditioned buses which have the most uncomfortable chairs. And all that noise and rattling can be pretty relaxing!

Here’s a poem for those of you who have stopped travelling by bus. Hope it brings back good memories. Continue reading

Routines

It’s so important to have routines, familiar paths to tread.

Time together and time alone,

Time to visit our parents and keep in touch on the phone.

 

Time to work and time to relax,

Time to move forward and time to step back.

A way to help everyone be together,

Yet still have the space that helps love stay forever.

 

It’s so important to have routines, familiar paths to tread.

To keep us on track when things get harder,

And give us a goal on the days that we flounder.

Help us stay focused till we’re back on track,

And sail over the bumps that could have held us back.

 

It’s so important to have routines,

Familiar places to go.

For every age, for every family member,

‘Cos routines bring comfort and help us to deal with pressure.

They help us relax on that crazy ride,

On the roller coaster that we call life.

 

It’s so important to have routines, familiar paths to tread.

To helps us make hay when the sun shines bright,

And fall asleep quick, when we switch off the lights.


The busy of today often makes us forget the importance of family routines and making space in ones daily schedule so every activity can be done in a relaxed manner. I hope this poem is a reminder.

The pot-stirrer

I could let the dal cook and not give it a look,

Let it stick to the base of the pot.

Then skim off the top, throw the burned part out,

And not worry about the waste, if what’s left suits my taste.

But the bottom of the pot holds the flavour,

That makes the dal taste divine.

And looking away is more labour,

Because scrubbing away the burn takes time.

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Continue reading

That wonderful feeling

That wonderful feeling that you don’t know enough.

It’s what keeps you wanting to study and learn.
To strive to always be better today than you were yesterday.

That feeling that you never fit in.

Because you don’t live by rules imposed by the outside.
You’ve got an internal compass of your own and you’ve learned it’s wise to trust it.
And be comfortable with who you are. Continue reading