The sins of the mother, come down to her son,
But how long should we blame her for what he’s become?
One year of marriage – a journey together,
That year during which we learn more about each other.
Two years to bend, and to meet in the middle,
Three to feel the need to forge new ideas and new traditions.
Four years – Mom is no longer the judge in this court,
And there’s space to find acceptance and respect. And reveal what you are worth.
Five years of marriage – no longer a victim.
It’s enough time to take responsibility, and accept the consequences of your own actions and decisions.
So, we’ll allow five years to crib, to say she’s to blame,
But going on six, you should know it’s not okay.
But you’re still the victim for God’s sake stop!
Take responsibility. Teach your children different. It’s time to grow up.
The married Indian woman expects a lot of herself.
Customs, traditions, and her role as a wife. Her need to make use of her education and work at a job that she loves. Or, the need to earn a living. Run her home. Look after elderly, or keep to customs and traditions about what she should do for them, and how she should act with them. And later, look after her children.
The expectations from her in-laws, her own parents, and society on the way in which she manages her role. Rigid gender roles and how they affect perceptions, and expressions of love and caring. How they often affect the support she gets from her husband poorly – leaving her with no support system when she is tired or unwell.
For many women, there’s little space to manoeuvre without pushing barriers.
Women can fall into being the victim all their lives, or learn to be different. And teach their sons and daughters that there’s a way to find individual freedom, and still hold on to values and traditions the keep family, and community together.
Copyright © Anita E Kohli, January 2020. All rights reserved.