The world will not end if we put up our feet,
For 20 minutes each day.
The world will not end if we eat left overs,
More than once in a way.
The world will not end if we go meet our friends,
And we’re not there to serve you your lunch.
It’s these breaks we take and the time we make,
That help us get time before it’s too late.
We don’t get house help that works independently,
Or good carers when someone is ill.
We always need to keep an eye,
And there’s never a day that passes by,
When we can sit and take time with our cup of chai.
We’d like to blame you but you’re not the problem,
The problems lies within.
It’s a fight with ourselves, to let go and accept,
That we’re not . . . Wonderwoman.
Making friends and connecting with other women was quite a challenge when I moved to Kharghar. I didn’t know anyone when we moved here, and most of the women I met had children and had little time. Because they needed friends with kids, so their children could play while they chatted.
Making friends went slow at first. I’m not the kitty party type and dressing up all the time just doesn’t appeal. I don’t wear jewellery and don’t wear gold and the lack of display of wealth excluded a lot of women to whom that was important. This value system was quite a shock to me, as Kharghar was my first experience with it and I wrote The colour of gold during this period. It took me time but I finally did manage to connect with like-minded women.
I made time for my women friends. I’d learned early that these friendships were important to me, and were worth making space for. I’d learned not to listen to advice from the well meaning women who would encourage other women to never take a break, and try to teach them how!
I realised that I couldn’t do it all and that it was ok. The truth is, my family never complained if things weren’t perfect and my husband was happy to see me relaxing on a holiday. And quite happy to be left at home when I went out for chai sessions with my women friends 🙂
Many women want to keep in touch with their friends and make time to relax, but often don’t. Getting stuck because they think they can do it all and thinking that their families are to blame for their situation. And for some women, this can lead to frustration and bitterness which impacts their family relationships. The realisation that things can be different is very freeing.
Taking a break now and then makes such a difference, and brings joy to daily routine and responsibilities that might otherwise get us down, especially when someone at home needs care or something needs special attention. It means a different outlook that encourages every person to be as independent as possible. Sometimes, rethinking traditions where encouraging dependence is seen as a gesture of love or respect.
This poem is about a journey that every woman makes – or should make.