This gift

You taught me to believe.

To have faith and to talk to a higher power everyday.

First thing in the morning, and at night before I went off to sleep.

To think about the reasons to be grateful and to say thank you out loud.

To talk about my worries and ask for help.

And I believed.

I knew there was always somewhere to go when things got rough.

It wasn’t about religion, customs or traditions.

You taught me to wake up every morning, sit in a quiet corner at home, and feel the light.

You called the light Jesus but you taught me that people call him by many different names.

You taught me that there was no need fancy clothes and money.

Because it was a personal one-on-one relationship between me and the powers that be.

That all I needed was to feel the quietness and the silence.

And I learned to find it even during times of turmoil.

To believe even when I could not feel.

The lessons we learn in childhood stick.

Even though we sometimes go through the motions and say the words, but forget what they mean.

Because when life decides we need to learn and takes us in hand,

We always go back to where we came from, looking for answers.

I did.

And I learned again, to start my day in quiet and in silence,

And to practise being grateful every day.

I say the words even when I don’t mean them.

And they slowly seep in and become the way I feel, and my life opens up.

I’m grateful that I can find the quiet no matter how noisy it gets.

For all that went well and for the mistakes I’ve made, because they teach me the lessons I need to learn.

I’m grateful that I can feel the comfort of the light and know it’s there for me always.

And for getting struggles I have the capacity to face.

I know it’s not in my hands but I still hope, that my struggles stay that way.

I’m grateful for family, love and caring.

And I’m grateful I can see.

That every struggle has been a part of a series of events that taught me joy.

I feel the comfort of knowing I’m never alone because of this gift that you gave to me,

And I’m grateful for you.

For this part of you, that will always be with me.

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To my mother.